This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
