Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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