but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We need to rekindle our bromance
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
