Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
