quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
