I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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