Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
