could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
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of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
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Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i now understand why vodka
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