Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
