Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
