You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Randomize
