Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
