i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
