In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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