One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I need a beard to bite.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Panties = found
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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