we have pet lesbian snakes
i need an iv and a liver transplant
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
His hands were made for my vagina.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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