His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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