i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
