i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
