he was CRYING into my vagina
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
