What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
