My first STD was from a foam party
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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