Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Someone signed my nipple.
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