Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
