from now on my penis is your penis
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
