Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
