The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
