Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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