Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
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