Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
