Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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