i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
