billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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