so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
