My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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