You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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