Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
