Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
