Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
