I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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