4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
