There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
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You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
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Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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