remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
