hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
