we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"