did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
