So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
