she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.