the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence