They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.