Are you dead
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.