There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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