so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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