I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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