She said her name was "party"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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