If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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