I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I wish my penis had an off switch
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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