I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
