PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
