i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
