I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
