I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
