Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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