I want to make a zoo with you.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
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im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
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i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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