Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
