My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
