Don't make out with my wife yet
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
