i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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